He glared back at me as I stared in horror at his sudden resurrection in my beautifully tranquil life. My spine went numb and my knees could barely hold the weight of my no longer functioning body. I grabbed onto anything my new ragdoll-like arms could get hold of as I drew in what seemed like ice rocks instead of air into my heaving lungs. This was not happening again. It was not happening again.
Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Do you miss my silly giggles like how I miss the way your vibrant laughter radiates life in any room? Do you miss how I crave your attention anywhere and everywhere the way I miss receiving it finally undivided? Do you miss seeing me roll my tiny black eyes at you with a grin hidden between my failed attempt of a serious face the way I miss your deep chuckle acknowledging my inability to keep a straight face at yet another one of your sarcastic jokes? Do you miss holding me close to you, seeing my welcoming response to your warm touch the way I miss closing my eyes as I log in another beautiful moment with you to forever hold in my heart? Do you miss me as much as I miss you?
Time is the most exquisite gift the universe gave to us. With time you heal, you forget pain and anguish. With time you will cherrish what it means to be happy. With time you build your empire or tear it down. With time you fall in and out of love. With time you grow and when your work is done time stops and takes you to another realm. Time is nothing yet it is everything, and it is also your best yet unforgiving teacher.
Love is after the honeymoon phase. It's when you notice that toilet seat and how they chew. It's when you want to go home but they want to stay "just a few minutes longer". It's when you'd rather not talk but they won't shut up. It's when they don't listen. It's when there is nothing to talk about and you want to binge-watch two different series every other night.
Love is silent treatment in the bathroom as you brush your teeth whilst they shave. Love is silent treatment because your eyes lingered too long elsewhere. Love is silent treatment because you said the wrong thing once again. Love is silent treatment because farts in the bedroom are not funny anymore.
Love is hard. Love is painful. Love is unconditional, like a poison or drug you handpicked by yourself that one stupid day. Love is harbouring the wrongs because past them you are still so right together. Love just is.
Not like the soft, crimson petals of a charming rose, thick with desire;
Not like the petit, pretty, forever sweet daisy, protected by its innocence;
Not even like the wise and eloquent Iris, standing tall and proud.
Loh! I bloom like the marigold; petals alight like fire, yet engulfed by my own pain and grief, the very fuel of my flame.
No Better Day Than Today
With a tick and with a tock
Time escapes me
I could give in and join the flock
But I would rather die free
So hardship strapped ever so tightly
To my champion of a backbone
I cheer "I am strong! I am mighty!
I am also not alone."
It is no joke; it is not just talk
His angels watch over my crown
So with every tick and every tock
I know I will never quite fall down.
"Pick a day. Any day!" it was too much enthusiasm for such an out-of-ordinary offer, and every cell in my confused frame wanted to hang up, but instead a hoarse "Tuesday" fondled its way out from my sienna brown lips. I cleared the toad in my tensed throat and tried again, with a bit more umph!
"Perfect! See you Tuesday, dear! And don't worry it's probably nothing. Cheers!" -click!
I am sooo not going, my final thought as I closed my eyes that cold and lonely night.
Unhinged, splinters a sprayin'
Curtains ripped, ripples cascadin'
Along the wind song, aloud it's a prayin'
For the peace that's so quickly escapin'
The safe house erupted in my cranium
Voices screech, high pitched; helium
Unstable, shattered is this medium
I know I asked for freedom
Barriers, didn't need 'em
But this... this is more than I needed
And bliss, is only welcomed by ign'ance
With a kiss, and flowers and sunshine
Oh ign'ance, please me mine
Together let's shine
Cut me into a thousand pieces
and what will you have done?
if not created a thousand versions
of me, all wearing their own crown;
Their hardened, mighty scars
Weaving out new beginnings
singing the same damn anthem
you failed to find meaning in.
Disposable, I am not!
For the Queens before me
handed to me a voice,
and a fierce one at that!
And only when I am done
will it be passed to my heir,
and she, a Queen too, will sing
the same tune with more flair!
Don't steal my heart
Right in front of my eyes
Take it sweetly as I sleep
With your hand in mine
As deep as my heart is
With the depth of your oceans I sink in yours
I am swallowed by the deep dark cold waters
And there is where I found my true home
And there we will find
Entangled in enchanted unison
A surreal, colossal kind of love
The kind only old books speak of
Fill our minds with potential fulfilment and we will show you just how real they can get. We will show you what a shame it was you didn't believe sooner of the storm we are. The storms silenced by our fathers who told us to be ladies; silenced by our mothers who told us we are not ready; silenced by our lovers who told us to be submissive; silenced by our friends who told us "Ummm... no". Best listen attentively, for when the storms start to whisper, there is no holding them back.
Resurrect the resonance of
our raging heartbeats;
help me remember the
embers that lit our flame;
don't just gush blame
like a fountain, Babe, cause
that's a pretty lame game
you've got going.
Let's go back to being
on the same field yielding
a new, undefeatable love,
so pure, so newly distilled.
I am happy and proud of who you are. You have dealt with everything that has come your way like the warrior you are and you amaze me every single day. Even when the days are long and treacherous, you stand by your dream, you follow your heart and you deal with whatever it is stopping you from getting what you want. Kudos to you, my beloved.
Can you hear my silent screams fighting their way through the tiny hole I scraped through the walls? I am sealed in a white room that gets bigger every time I dart my eyes around yet I feel claustrophobic. Bright lights in every corner, I don't even have a shadow; there is just me. There is so much me that maybe if I could gnaw my way inside myself I could split into more "me"s and we could scrape the hole bigger and scream together in unison. Maybe then you would hear us.
He wanted her to ask her
"How much do you love me?"
So he could give her the
Ground beneath him.
All he wanted was for her
To know that he was just
A boy in this universe
Ready to be humbled by
Her essence, ready to be
Spellbound to her scent,
Ready to be complete.
Until then he loved her
Everyday at the bus stand
When she said farewell
With her sweet smile
To her best friend
"See you tomorrow!"
You are a jewel lost in the eyes of the blind,
a rare gift wrapped in grey manilla paper.
Your light doesn't radiate rainbows,
instead it pulsates deep tides
of warm, welcoming energy
that resonates perfectly
with anything remotely
close to its soft touch.
And I, like a dull
moth, am very
There was something about the stillness that made it feel like an earthquake had just past. Perhaps it was in the comfort of the silence or the winds meandering past hair coils, flushing them back and forth in tune to its whispered music notes. Or maybe it was the lion within purring ever so elegantly awaiting to rise when the fire started to burn. No one would ever really know.
Push me down as hard as you can
I double freaking dare you!
Watch me rise like the phoenix
Straight from the dust
I will blind you with my shine
For I glow like the sun in the sky
I will smother every ounce of your pride
In that waste of skin you call home
And I will blow the ashes into the wind
And pleasantly watch you disappear
Let me have you like the day has the sun
Let me have you like the night has the moon
Let me have you out in the open
Let me have you when it's dark
Let me have you in front of the world
Let me have you when it's just us
Let me have you in your best clothes
Let me have you in your birthday suit
Let me have you in your finest hour
Let me have you in your darkest days
Let me have you the way I have always wanted to
Let me have you because you have always had me
Don't cradle me in those strong arms like you
will save me from the world's wrath if
you are only going to drop me like waste
when the fight comes a-knocking on our door.
I am only made of myths of bravery and
fables of wit. What I really am is what's
left of the scars printed on my rough outer skin
from the countless drops and the battles almost lost.
I know the fall; I need not a reminder.
"It's not about the sunny days. I mean it's a little bit about the sunny days. A little bit. We all want a little sun in our lives, right? So-"
"You're rambling." I took another ghastly sip of the horrid drink this clockwork toy I practiced reverse psychology on myself into befriending for over eight years had bought for me with promises of it making me feel "tonnes better".
"Right. Sometimes the sun is too bright and it's ok to want to be engulfed by the moonlight." He sipped his milder mix of my nasty elixir in silence for half a minute.
"That's a quote you totally jacked up, isn't it?" I said to no one in front of me.
"Yea. I thought it might help."
I captured the moonlight drawing shadows
on her sleeping face where she hid her truth.
I stole a glimpse of golden sun rays
illuminating her secret to a blind world.
Everyday it was the same.
Everyday it was terrifying and captivating,
all at the same time!
I could only but wonder how she thrived there
between her dreams and nightmares longing for
answers in places she never asked questions.
He held on but was not sure why. Was it really because he was finally in love and she was the one he would not risk losing? Was it because letting go and finding someone new was just too hard of a task; learning who they were and their unbearable habit... the process all over again. Perhaps it was because deep down, this love was the only type of love he had ever known and the rest were just stories he was told to believe without any evidenc of them actually existing. Or maybe he just couldnt bare to be alone once again. Who knew.
If I could reach out and touch the sky
I would grab the moon and take her home with me.
She is beautiful but her beauty is only
seen by others because of the Sun.
The big, bold fireball is a spotlight,
and the moon is the real beauty,
but nobody sees it.
So I'd take her back to mine
and show her she doesn't need the Sun.
I know she is beautiful with or without it.
"What did you just say?!"
The walls tumbled, windows shattering in every corner.
Doors cracked open like explosions and splinters sprung
in all directions. There was nowhere to run to.
Everything fell apart as she looked into his spiteful
glare belittling her as they often did every night he
came from the drink. She held herself together with the
strength of a paperclip.
"I... I said it's over."
Today I wandered endlessly into the depths of my mind not sure what I was looking for. Perhaps it was your uncontrollable laughter I adored so much, or that huge sigh I have everytime I stumble on that awful sweater you keep taking out of the giveaway box every single time I put it in there. Whatever it was, I never found it. Instead, I found a little girl waiting to be heard. She sat with her double chin resting on her scruffy, scarred knees looking up back at me with a face that said everything I was afraid to admit to myself.
Before you left you told me to look for you in the sunset. I always wondered why there, until it hit me one ordinary day. You see, like the sunrise we rose above all obstacles until their shadows disappeared underneath them, but in the end you left with all the light and I watched you until it got dark.
You have my heart.
You have my soul and
you have my belief.
You are the home
I want to run to and
the haven I want to
hide in when the
world is out to get me.
You are the stars
I count on even when
the darkness is too bright.
You are the sun
I depend on for light.
Don't tell me that
I'm not crazy for
feeling this way.
I was jealous of her milk complexion and her touch
that rose the hairs on any man's skin. I was jealous
of the ballon in her golden curls as they followed
her elegant sashay wherever she set her tiny,
pretty feet one after the other like a spell.
I was jealous even though I was told the sun had
blessed my skin and no ordinary man could handle
my stare let alone my electric touch.
I was jealous even though I was told my coils told
stories only my ancestors could appreciate.
I was jealous even though I was told I had the stride
and stealth of a lioness in the wild and my feet danced
to the heartbeat of the mother nature.
And in one perfect moment one perfect day
I was jealous no more.
I sit pause and cry
In the dark broad night
Pen in my hand
Poison on my left
One question in my mind
Suicide note or a poem of my cries
The ink in my hand
Begs for another shot
The ink on my back
Wants to end the whole lot
These inks battle between
Death and anxieties all unseen
I pull out something deeper than my skin
Something no man can see
Its my wretched soul screaming for help
into a deaf world unhindered by this tragic scene
I cry for help but sometimes its not about myself
I wait for death while living a dream
Yeah, I said dream; it wasn't an error
The real nightmare is me simply living
Your words sing to me like
little songbirds during spring.
I am enchanted by your
simplicity and aggressive passion.
If only you could feel my soul
resonate to your calling, then
maybe it would not be
so difficult to make you
you are my lighthouse
in these dark days;
my hope in these jaded times.
You were to me like water surrounding a fish;
so unaware that it was you who gave me life,
I was ignorant and naive to the most
paramount element of my very being.
Instead I existed every single day
not wondering for a second what
kept me breathing until the day you left.
That day, everything I thought I knew was a lie.
Ignorance was my only truth, and my truth
was the death of me.
I am envious of the way you left
with a piece of all of us and turned
our sunshine into storms, blue and gray;
now you expect us to celebrate your
departure when we were not even
warned of its sudden arrival.
I stand here awkwardly,
hands curved around my own
snivelling body, praying you are
in a better place, but more importantly
that you save a space for us.
If there was a way to tell you
I love you without breaking
a little bit more of myself
to give away once again,
I still would not take it.
You see, Love was meant
to break people so those
little bits and pieces that
wandered the seemingly
barren earth could meet
others ready and willing to
take them exactly as they were.